Monday, September 29, 2008


For those of you I converse with via that new fangled instant messaging technology, you are aware I use the word "Coolio" a good deal in place of simply "Cool". Yesterday after using it I wondered what is Coolio doing nowadays and well you can thank me later for what I found. Apparently he has a cooking show on the internet.

SHAKAZULU! I've watched them all and they are gold! To view all ten hilarious webisodes go to and under channels click coolio. You will definitely not be disappointed.

Things I have learned include how to make spinach even kids will like, a dime bag is the same as a level teaspoon, how to make a cool-a-cado, what coolio looks like in a pirate outfit, how to make a salad that will make a girls panties fall off, and the Andy Milaclockis is still ticking.

Oh and most importantly if it looks good, smells good, tastes good, it is good.

P.S. I also learned (not from the show) that Coolio was arrested sometime in June but was released on bail and I believe this may be one of the reasons there are no new episodes since the end of April.

P.P.S. Seriously stop reading and watch it, I'm really surprised you read past the word pirate.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

The Millionare and his Wife

How much money did Mr. Howell actually have? I mean sure he seemed rich and brought a ton of clothing and money for what was supposed to be a three hour boat tour, but as Chuck from Little Big League points out if Mr. Howell was really all that rich he would never have boarded the S.S. Minnow.

According to the show he had his fair share of assets. A railroad, an oil well, typical rich guy stuff, a diamond mine okay cool, a coconut plantation, not really a money maker as far as I know but still pretty sweet. The real money machine he apparently had was 40 acres of land in Colorado, not that impressive but it apparently included all of downtown Denver. Upon further thought 40 acres is not a large area. That could be like main street Denver I guess, a solid chunk of change I'm sure but that don't get you in Forbes. Or does it.

There is an actual list Forbes puts out from time to time of the richest fictional people. On the latest list (2007) Thurston Howell ranks 9th, net worth 6.3 Billion dollars right behind Bruce Wayne at 7 Bil. Topping the most recent list Scrooge McDuck with a net worth of 28.8 Billion. How did he always dive in the pit of coins and not get horribly injured?

Friday, September 12, 2008

Remember: SPUD

S P U D period
A solid playground game back in the day. The basic premise is you get a group of people and a kickball. Someone throws the ball in the air and calls someones name (other versions have everyone given a number and the number is whats called) everyone except that person run like the dickens. When the person called catches the ball they call stop or freeze or whatever you please. haha oh random rhyming. Anyway then the person counts out S P U D period with each step they take toward people that ran like the dickens. If they hit somebody that person gets a letter a la HORSE, if they miss then the thrower gets a letter. Its really a grand game, I always wanted to get a game going at college but it never happened. Maybe I can get all the neighborhood children to help me revisit my childhood. So if anyone is ever trying to get a game of SPUD going lemme know and I'll see who I can round up.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Yippie ki yi yay [my friend]

I recently pondered which was the best utterance of John McClane's catchphrase, which by the way is pretty hard to spell out. In trying to find how it is spelled i found everything including yippie-ki-yay, yipekieeeee, Yippe Ki Aye, yippee kayea, Yippi Kiyai, Yippie ki ya, and yippikay yey among others. Needless to say I found them all inadequate and spelled it as I did. But I digress.

I warn you now that if you have not seen the Die Hard movies and do not want to know what happens stop reading now. If you are a man, please go rent them now as your man card is on probation until you have done so.

In the first Die Hard he says it a couple times, all relatively BA but not by John McClane standards as we know them now. The second one is where after that gunfight puts a hole in the gas tank of the plane with the all the bad guys on it and John lights the stream of gas on fire as its taking off. That is pretty friggin' sweet. The third one or Die Hard with a vengeance as its known is when the helicopter with Hans' brother and that hot German chick on it is lining up its shot on ole John and he looks like he has no way out, but he makes an impossible pistol shot at a telephone wire and it falls on the choppers rotor making it crash. Man Die Hard is so sweet! If I had to rely on any movie character I'm pretty sure it would be John McClane. This includes the Bourne guy, any of the people from the Matrix, airbud, any superhero ever, terminator, anybody!

Anyway I believe that the fourth movie Live Free Die Hard contains the greatest of them all. Again when it seems John has been beaten he turns the tide and kills the baddy. THIS TIME with a gun pointed at his chest, foe behind him, he is told his tombstone should read "always in the wrong place at the wrong time" to which he replies "how bout yippie ki yi yay mother" BANG! and then he shoots the guy through his own chest! Far and away the most BA of them all. One of the manliest killings in movie history. Plus the witty response is vintage McClane, that just seals the deal. So there you have it case closed killing someone through your own chest because that's your only option, coolest thing ever.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Star Wars Defense

A New Hope was on today which of course make me think about what i would have done if I was in Star Wars. Not like in the movie but like in the galaxy far far away a long time ago. I'm probably using too much logic here but why didnt anyone make a mirrored suit? Lasers are light and should be reflected away by a mirrored suit. Of course the lasers never really did any actual damage to anyones suit when they were shot, they just kinda fell over. Regardless the lasers should bounce off a mirror. I know what you're thinking, the lasers won't be deflected back at who fired them. While this isnt that big a problem as everything around the shootee usually got hit pretty darn hard. But anyway, there is a way they could make the suit so that the laser would deflect right back where it came from. I cant remember what its called but there is this kind of mirror with tons of tiny concave mirrors in it that reflects light back from where it came. I saw such a mirror on one of the newest Mythbusters when they shown a laser off of one on the moon and back to prove that people had been there. Crazy stuff, but the point of this whole thing is if they made clothing with these mirrors on them you couldnt be shot with a laser it would just launch right back at the shooter. I may have ended up being the dumbest looking guy roaming the death star but I wouldnt have died...well if I was still there when it blew up the mirrors wouldnt really do much then...and I'm not really sure what it would do to a lightsaber. Whoa maybe it would like bend the lightsaber inside itself. Wrap your mind around that one, Yoda himself couldnt predict what would happen.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Rôti Sans Pareil

John Madden I warn you not to read any further unless you have a clean pair of underpants handy.

Everyone is familiar with the Turducken. It is of course the delightful treat composed of a chicken inside a duck inside a turkey made famous in recent years by BOOM! John Madden. In a parody on Frank TV "Madden" contemplates a fourth animal in the feast. Deciding to either go smaller with a weasel or bigger with a buck horn sheep.

If 3 birds stuffed inside one another is enough to make your mouth water prepare to be decleated by the Roast without equal. At a royal feast in 19th century France a 1) Bustard was stuffed with a 2) Turkey stuffed with a 3) Goose stuffed with a 4) Pheasant stuffed with a 5) Chicken stuffed with a 6) Duck stuffed with a 7) Guinea Fowl stuffed with a 8) Teal stuffed with a 9) Woodcock stuffed with a 10) Partridge stuffed with a 11) Plover stuffed with a 12) Lapwing stuffed with a 13) Quail stuffed with a 14) Thrush stuffed with a 15) Lark stuffed with a 16) Ortolan Bunting stuffed with a 17) Garden Warbler stuffed with an olive. Yeah thats right 17 birds stuffed inside each other with an olive stuffed in the little tiny one! Unfortunately half the birds are now endangered so the 34 wing meal can not be recreated today. So let this be a challange to John Madden and the rest of the U.S. to defeat the French (how hard has it been throughout the rest of history) at what we do best, being completely ridiculous and getting fat. My suggestion for the most delicious set of Russian nesting dolls begins with a full cage of beef ribs and ends with a hotdog, you fill in the blanks America.