The Hamburglar is afoot

If you go to McDonalds and order off the dollar menu you may notice a strange burger called the McDouble. I know what you are thinking, and yes the double cheese burger was formerly on the dollar menu. Now it appears slightly above said dollar menu as a regular ole sandwich that costs a whopping $1.19. What is the difference between these two burgers besides a sizable 20 cents? Today I got to the bottom of the mystery, I had an idea as to what the answer would be, and I'm said to say my inkling was correct.

The McDouble is constructed from bottom to top of bun, beef pattie, slice of cheese, beef pattie, two pickle slices, mustard, ketchup and diced onion capped off with a regular bun.

The more robust Double Cheeseburger consisted of bun, beef pattie, slice of cheese, beef pattie, a second slice of cheese, two pickle slices, mustard, ketchup and diced onions capped off with a regular bun.

That's correct the only difference between a Double Cheeseburger and a McDouble is a slice of cheese. 20 cents for a slice of cheese! Ridiculous.

Fortune or No? : Part I

As some of you know one of my pet peeves, in addition to people saying they are "peeved", is when I get a fortune cookie only to find there is no fortune to be told. Not that there is no slip of paper, but the slip of paper projects no fortune upon me. Often times it is some nugget of wisdom, but a wisdom cookie it is not. I don't care what Confucius say unless its something like "You will trip on a canine before the next dawn"

I've been hangin' on to my "fortunes" for a little while in an attempt to tally just how many fortune cookies aren't what they claim to be. I have divided them into 3 categories, Fortune, Not a Fortune, and a third gray area category I am yet to come up with a decent name for.

So lets get to it, all of these come to us from Panda Express.

"Your kindness will lead you to success"
Verdict: Gray area: While it does sorta predict success in the future, its more wisdom than anything.

"A sudden change in plans will lead you to good fortunes"
Fortune: Now you may be saying that's just like the first one, what gives? The key is that it predicts the future and nothing else. A sudden change in plans is unknown, the kindness I already have (not a word, I can be nice and you know it).

"Chances of glamour and excitement are coming to you"
Fortune: While it could be a lot more bold, chances c'mon now cookie, it is obviously taking a stab at predicting the future. Ooh excitement I can't wait!

And lastly, "You create enthusiasm around you"
Not a Fortune: Clearly, it's just a statement of fact. Well I don't know if fact is the right word but still no prediction there.

So the count at the moment is 2-1-1, fortune - gray area - not a fortune, more to come later.

Spare a thought

I was forwarded an email a few weeks ago that really made an impact on me. I didn't forward it to anyone at the time because I wasn't sure of anyone I knew that wasn't on the list of recipients with me that would be interested. The following story, written by someone I don't know but I'm glad they shared it, should be of interest to everyone. It says a lot about society today, and about how sometimes our priorities can get out of sorts. So please take a minute and read this story, think about whats really important, and honor a deserving man even if it's just with a thought.

"One of the "Band of Brother" soldiers died on June 17, 2009.

We're hearing a lot today about big splashy memorial services.

I want a nationwide memorial service for Darrell "Shifty" Powers.

Shifty volunteered for the airborne in WWII and served with Easy Company of the 506th Parachute Infantry Regiment, part of the 101st Airborne Infantry.

If you've seen Band of Brothers on HBO or the History Channel, you know Shifty. His character appears in all 10 episodes, and Shifty himself is interviewed in several of them.

I met Shifty in the Philadelphia airport several years ago. I didn't know who he was at the time. I just saw an elderly gentleman having trouble reading his ticket. I offered to help, assured him he was at the right gate, and noticed the "Screaming Eagle", the symbol of the 101st Airborne, on his hat.

Making conversation, I asked him if he'd been in the 101st Airborne, or if his son was serving. He said quietly that he had been in the 101st. I thanked him for his service, then asked him when he served, and how many jumps he made.

Quietly and humbly, he said, "Well, I guess I signed up in 1941 or so, and was in until sometime in 1945..." at which point my heart skipped.

At that point, again, very humbly, he said, "I made the 5 training jumps at Toccoa, and then jumped into Normandy...do you know where Normandy is?"

At this point my heart stopped.

I told him yes, I know exactly where Normandy was and I know what D-Day was.

At that point he said "I also made a second jump into Holland, into Arnhem."

I was standing with a genuine war hero...and then I realized that it was June, just after the anniversary of D-Day.

I asked Shifty if he was on his way back from France, and he said, "Yes. And it's real sad because these days so few of the guys are left, and those that are, lots of them can't make the trip." My heart was in my throat and I didn't know what to say.

I helped Shifty get onto the plane and then realized he was back in Coach, while I was in First Class. I sent the flight attendant back to get him and said that I wanted to switch seats. When Shifty came forward, I got up out of the seat and told him I wanted him to have it, that I'd take his in coach.

He said, "No, son, you enjoy that seat. Just knowing that there are still some who remember what we did and still care enough to make an old man very happy." His eyes were filling up as he said it. And mine are brimming up now as I write this.

Shifty died on June 17th after fighting cancer.

There was no parade.

No big event in Staples Center.

No wall-to-wall, back-to-back, 24x7 news coverage.

No weeping fans on television.

And that's not right."

I don't know how I can add to this man's story, but I'm gonna try. I told this story to two people, and both times it was difficult to fight back tears. I can be get pretty emotional, but I hope this story meant something to you to.

The word hero is thrown around fairly quickly by people today, often in the sports world. Not to say sports doesn't have its heroic figures. Jackie Robinson and Roberto Clemente are two of the most influential people since World War II. But most heroes never really get their due. Many don't ask to be celebrated. All the more reason we should take some time to remember what they have done.

The worst commentary on the 40th anniversary of the moon landing

If you saw the news or virtually any television program yesterday you know that it was the 40th anniversary of the first time man set foot on the moon, if you believe that actually happened but that's a whole other discussion. While my parents and others were reminded of where they were when they saw it, I was reminded of one of my favorite stupid questions to ask people.

If only you and an animal were going to travel into space together, what animal would you take with you? Feel free to think of your own answer before reading mine.

I feel there are two schools of thought hear. One, choose something fun or comfortable, your pet for example. Or two, choose something practical. I have personally narrowed it down to two animals.

I think it would be nice to bring a penguin with me. A classy bird, always a plus when spending a lot of time in close quarters. But the real reason I'd take the ole tuxedo with me is so that he would have a chance to see what its like to fly.

My other choice is the obvious one. Clearly gotta go monkey. This is the ultimate combination of fun and practicality. Like a station wagon with a hemi in it, wait that exists, why can't America sell cars! Anyway, monkeys are pretty goshdarn smart and could be trained to help you do stuff in space, and whats more fun than a monkey? Monkeys have actually been in space right? Or was that just a cartoon show?

Either way my choice is monkey with penguin being the runner up. Who would you take into space with you?

Remember: Power Rangers

More specifically Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, I don't know much about all these other ones, my little cousin tells me there is some sort of wild west power rangers.

The only reason I mention this is a thought I had today. Does anyone else looking back on it find it at least a little bit terrible that the black ranger was black, and the yellow ranger was asian?

Also note upon researching the subject, when the yellow and black rangers were replaced, the black ranger was an asian guy and the yellow ranger was a black girl. Weird.

We talkin' bout flea market...Montgomery

Moments ago on the Office, Ryan was watching an internet video. If you've seen it before you probably recognized it as it is the hilarious Flea Market Montgomery commercial. If you have not seen it view it here. You will not be disappointed.

Michael Strahan is a genius

I just saw a subway commercial where former NFL player Michael Strahan is making a sub for someone when a "real" subway employee tells him there is no roast beef on an Italian BMT. He stares at her like the large human being he is and she walks away. Then the commercial just goes on to push the 5 dollar foot longs some more. Now I'm aware the BMT lacks roast beef, thats what I get like 70% of the time I go to subway, but if you are going to tease me with it in the commercial you better tell me how I can get it. I'm sitting here expecting them to tell me "GUESS WHAT! YOU can add an extra meat to any 5 dollar foot long at no additional cost! THATS RIGHT! We made this deal better!" No instead all I learned was that a deal that I'm fairly certain never left, not only came back but is now... still here. Lame. At least they didnt play that stupid jingle I hate.

My basic cable show is better than yours!

The Daily show interview Jon Stewart did with Jim Cramer of Mad Money just re-aired. If you have not seen it I encourage you to watch it on comedycentral.com. I however suggest you take this interview with a grain of salt and not judge Cramer purely on this if you know nothing else about him besides he is the guy that yells about stocks.

I must admit that I am a fan of Cramer's and think he is very attuned to this country as a whole economically. In general I think he is a pretty smart guy. I also must admit that I am not that big a fan of Jon Stewart. He can be funny sure, but often times when he gets all serious i just want to roll my eyes at him. Feel free to report the news, try and get the scoop or whatever, but its the holier-than-thou attitude he sometimes projects that bothers me. Aside from college aged liberals (probably the majority of my audience) I'm not sure there are many people who care what his opinions actually are.

So I guess that brings me to why I decided to comment on this interview. To be completely honest I thought Jon Stewart's interview of Jim Cramer was unprofessional. He goes on a number of accusational rants which baring the approval of an English Major, (aren't you glad I've provided you a use for that...I kid I kid) I'm pretty sure weren't questions. Cramer lets him finish his "questions" and then usually started in on an "answer" which i guess is better labeled a rebuttal. To which he was often interrupted by Stewart so he could either go on another rant or run one of many clips he had from one poorly shot interview from a few years back. And although he at several points tries to say it isn't about Cramer but about CNBC and the financial district in general, he uses the videos pretty douchely. Calling out clip numbers off note cards, like a kid checking off his list on Christmas morning, at one point one right after another as if to just say "GOTCHA!" I didn't take a stop watch to it or anything but it seemed to me Stewart was talking a large majority of the time. One point I chose to pay enough attention to Cramer spoke for 30 seconds of a 4 minute span. Not exactly a great interview when the guest just gets the best seat for a monologue from the host.

The last thing that got under my skin a little was that Stewart dropped the eff bomb three separate times. I'm not saying he isn't allowed to curse on his show, but when you are grilling someone about how they should take their role as a news person more seriously, you probably shouldn't just yell expletives while you go on emotional rants.

Anyway, I guess the moral of this story is think for yourself and dont just take one persons views for the only way to see things.

Then again who doesn't like dancing girls?

As many of you know I am in fact a Republican. But I have been trying to give President Obama the benefit of the doubt whenever I can. Some people have put a little too much faith in him in my opinion. Not to get all political and whatnot but this was an ad that was on my instant messenger.

Yes that is an ad for "LowerMyBills.com" which I must say I in no way support in that I know nothing about the site. All I know is that it is great that "Obama is the New President" and they like digital dancing girls.

Now again I'll be as happy as anyone if Obama can fix the problems of this country, but in the word of my former roommate, really? This just reminds me of that lady at the convention I believe who went on that rant about how Obama was gonna give her a car and pay her mortgage and bring back Jesus for an unprecedented third coming. Sadly we did not transform into some sort of utopia, and chances are clicking that button will do nothing for you bills.

Somewhere in there I lost track of my point, but I think what I'm trying to say is its okay to have faith, but its not okay to just stop thinking and trust that someone will fix everything for you.

p.s. this was supposed to be funny, but took an oddly serious tone. I apologize for this as I plan on it not happening for quite some time.

You know what's a fun game? Q*bert

Q*bert was this awesome game for Regular Nintendo and at the arcade (sidenote it's kinda funny how commonly it is referred to as "regular nintendo" when that isn't at all its real name. Like I kinda wanna be a history snob to the point I call WWI the Great War. Anyway...) and when you died in the game he made this weird computerized noise and a talk bubble popped up where he said something to the effect of "%@&#". This will all make sense in a few moments.

For the season o' Lent in addition to giving up chips I am attempting to stop using curse words. Earlier today I found myself wishing I could train myself to make that Q*bert computer noise. So the following is a list of things I used expletives toward and or about today...yes I'm aware I have a problem hence the trying to fix it.

Morning
AutoCad
Carrier HAP (A computer program I use at work)
Timesheets
Coworker
Self
AutoCad
CAPS Lock
Bartender at TGIFridays
Rain

There are probably other things that I forgot but yeah. So apparently if I didn't use a computer I would be a much less angry person.

Who is cooler than Miles Davis?

Sometimes I like to think about weird things...really weird things.

For instance I have often wondered how would the Civil War have been changed if you gave the South one M-16. Lets assume they also have a virtually unlimited amount of ammo for it. The only logistical issue they would have to deal with is transporting the ammo around from battle to battle. I'm pretty certain the war would easily be won by the south under this scenario. Basically all they would have to do is keep the gun from getting stolen and prevent it from getting hit by cannon fire. The former the gun itself could prevent. Feel free to disagree but the range, accuracy, rate of fire and reliability of the M-16 would be virtually unstoppable in that era.

You might be saying "That's not all that weird"

So with that situation fairly one sided in my mind I began to think, what if they had one M-16 yada yada yada BUT instead of the bullets killing and/or injuring they made the victim poop their pants.

I think this would affect the fighting abilities of the north quite a bit. But clearly not as much as if they were dead. For one they arent going to be able to move around as well, and for two its gonna start to smell real real bad when a whole row of infantry gets mowed down. You also have to throw the shock factor in there. Randomly messing your knickers while being shot at probably dazes you for a short while. So now to my ESPN like analysis of an overly hyped event that is never going to take place. SIDE NOTE: I find it hilarious that the two teams they said would beat almost every historic team they matched them up with ('08 Patriots and '05 USC) lost in the game they were yet to play that season. HA. Anyway, here is how I see it. The South would benefit greatly from this odd technology early on when some soldiers freeze up and are then killed while other retreat to empty their drawers. However, it is possible this would result in less casualties but I'm not really sure if men would retreat or just deal. I mean hygene wasnt exactly the most important thing back then. I do believe that todays athlete is just too great and between Randy Moss' freakish abilities and Tom Brady's dreamy eyes, wait thats not right. Oh yeah I think the North would sooner rather than later figure out what was happening and move to fighting in sometype of an assless chap. This would render the weapon virtually useless provided they seperate their lines a little bit more than usual.

So in Summary
Winner of Civil War - NORTH
Winner of Civil War if South had an M-16 - SOUTH
Winner of Civil War if South had an M-16 that made you poop your pants - PROBABLY NORTH STILL BUT IT WOULD HAVE BEEN A LOT CLOSER AND A LOT MESSIER

P.S. This isn't that wierd an idea, the military has actually done a lot of research on the "Brown note". The idea that a low enough pitch tone can cause people to lose total control of their bodily function thus making them not really want to shot guns or have guns shot at them. So that is the answer to your question "How in the world did he think of that?"

You think you're Rihanna?

Today when I was walking through the mall on the way to the food court I saw a young couple arguing. The girl looked pissed and the guy was trying to calm her down. Of course awkward by all of this I tried to hustle on by. As soon as I got past them the girl said this,

"Why you gotta be all Chris Brown all the time?"

Sadly to say I was too far beyond them at that point to hear anything more.