Smirel for da camera

Asians have made great strides in almost every phase of life. They are good at seemingly everything. You have your Yao Mings, your Ichiros, Yo-Yo Ma, Jackie Chan, that army of tiny tiny gymnasts. You name a thing people do and there is an Asian that is crazy good at it. Example: Hotdog eating. Although today I found a skill no asian has been able to master. That skill: Taking pictures of food and making it look good. Every asian resturant has the same pictures of the food up on the wall. They dont use movie magic with dry ice making steam or scoops of fat instead of icecream. They just whip out a polaroid and take a snapshot of the Poo Poo platter before they take it over to table 6. Wave it in the air a little and bam put a price on it and stick throw it up on the big board. Perhaps this is the most efficient way to do things. Perhaps its somekinda minimalist zen thing. Who knows why they do it, one of lifes mysteries i suppose. Like that tree falling or that hand clapping thing.

Baltimore is back!

I've known for a few months that the Orioles were going to but "Baltimore" back on the road jerseys, but now that I've seen the pictures I am so stoked. The new uniforms (click the photo gallery link at the top of the article to see pictures) are a great modern retro look a la Camden Yards. The cartoon bird swinging a bat is back on the jackets AND the Maryland patch is sweet as well. Sure I'm bias but the Maryland flag is pretty sweet. Disagree? Look at the Terps endzones and shut your face. Well looks like im definitely getting season tickets. Now I just gotta wait to see where Texiera signs to figure out just how good my seats are gonna be.

Overhead Projector

I'm not trying to get all political or anything but ABC how do you "project" these things? In the time I'm typing this these numbers might change but as of now Obama is projected to win Pennsylvania up 64% to 35% with "0%" of precincts reporting in other words about 8000 to 4000. Ohio however he is up 65% to 34% with "0%" reporting however it is about 300,000 to 150,00 and no projection is being made. The two states have fairly similar populations of between 11 and 12 million. Now how exactly is one a projected win and another too close to call? I'm not saying it will be wrong I just want at least a few sentences telling me why you chose to but that ever important check mark next to Obamas name in one instance but not another similar if not more obvious instance. I like how all the networks after the 2000 Florida debacle said "we aren't gonna call states super early anymore" (yes that is an exact quote from all the networks combined) but now they still do it anyway.

Again I'm not saying you will be wrong just if you are that sure you wont be wrong tell me the hell why please.

Evian is Naive spelled backward

Dear Evian Water,

Thanks but no thanks for donating all that bottled water for the Susan G. Komen Race for a Cure in Hunt Valley. I'll admit I was tired as hell at the end and boy did I appreciate the water on the morning of October the 19th.

However I was bothered to read on the side of your bottle later that day the water you so graciously donated was produced on 10/03/06 17:57 and expired 10/08/2008. If not for the fact I constantly forget what year it is (seriously that Y2K thing was that long ago?) I would have noticed a little faster, but that water you gave me "went bad" 11 days ago! I don't even know how water goes bad but still! At least have the respect to somehow take that off the side of the bottle. All I ask is next time you donate something to someone it be something that actually has a value above that of garbage.

Thanks

P.S. I've been refilling and reusing the bottle in my car and stuff and the little flippy cap thing broke off after like 10 days of use. Really? You couldn't make a more durable cap? Not that I ever bought your snobby water before but good luck trying to get me to buy it ever. Deer Park '08!

Superman the animated series...sorta

Most people have been asked the question "If you could have a super power what would it be?" Naturally like 45% of people pick invisibility and 45% pick the ability to fly. Most of the other 10% pick something out of X-men. As awesome as the X-men are I would definitely be cartoon physics man.

My two favorite skills I would have are the ability to reinflate myself when i get crushed and or become an accordion in said situation and the ability to eat large foods whole while you can watch the shape of the food slide down my neck.

The other advantages are I would be virtually invincible. I couldn't be crushed or fall to my death. If i were to get shot my tummy would just look like Swiss cheese while water would pour out the holes.

Plus I would be able to "fly" for very short periods of time before I realized I was not on the ground and then I would fall. Then again I could also just not look down like they did in the tiny toons movie and I could just walk across. I could also become invisible if i had a can of paint.

Man being a cartoon would be fun.

BRING YO A$$ TO THE TABLE!

For those of you I converse with via that new fangled instant messaging technology, you are aware I use the word "Coolio" a good deal in place of simply "Cool". Yesterday after using it I wondered what is Coolio doing nowadays and well you can thank me later for what I found. Apparently he has a cooking show on the internet.

SHAKAZULU! I've watched them all and they are gold! To view all ten hilarious webisodes go to mydamnchannel.com and under channels click coolio. You will definitely not be disappointed.

Things I have learned include how to make spinach even kids will like, a dime bag is the same as a level teaspoon, how to make a cool-a-cado, what coolio looks like in a pirate outfit, how to make a salad that will make a girls panties fall off, and the Andy Milaclockis is still ticking.

Oh and most importantly if it looks good, smells good, tastes good, it is good.

P.S. I also learned (not from the show) that Coolio was arrested sometime in June but was released on bail and I believe this may be one of the reasons there are no new episodes since the end of April.

P.P.S. Seriously stop reading and watch it, I'm really surprised you read past the word pirate.

The Millionare and his Wife

How much money did Mr. Howell actually have? I mean sure he seemed rich and brought a ton of clothing and money for what was supposed to be a three hour boat tour, but as Chuck from Little Big League points out if Mr. Howell was really all that rich he would never have boarded the S.S. Minnow.

According to the show he had his fair share of assets. A railroad, an oil well, typical rich guy stuff, a diamond mine okay cool, a coconut plantation, not really a money maker as far as I know but still pretty sweet. The real money machine he apparently had was 40 acres of land in Colorado, not that impressive but it apparently included all of downtown Denver. Upon further thought 40 acres is not a large area. That could be like main street Denver I guess, a solid chunk of change I'm sure but that don't get you in Forbes. Or does it.

There is an actual list Forbes puts out from time to time of the richest fictional people. On the latest list (2007) Thurston Howell ranks 9th, net worth 6.3 Billion dollars right behind Bruce Wayne at 7 Bil. Topping the most recent list Scrooge McDuck with a net worth of 28.8 Billion. How did he always dive in the pit of coins and not get horribly injured?