Tales of the Baltimore Light Rail

I was riding the light rail downtown last summer when I heard the yell some dread. "Everyone get your tickets out!" The officer strolled to the front of the car and spoke up again "Ticket Check!" Being the good citizen I am, I had nothing to fear as I purchased a round trip ticket before hopping on board.

There were about 20 people on the train, enough that someone probably didn't have a ticket, and few enough that I should be able to hear the argument that may transpire, the perfect scenario.

The female officer worked her way back from the front of the car, reading tickets from extended arms, "Thank you...Thank you...Thank you" she said quietly. She was checking tickets in the row behind me when it happened. A boy and a girl, both college aged had but one ticket between them.

"I have a round trip ticket, can we just say this is the same as two one way tickets?" He pleaded.

"No", the officer snapped back, "one of you is going to have to get off at the next stop and buy another ticket." She continued to work the train checking for tickets. Disappointed at the lack of an altercation I went back to looking out the window. The ticket shy pair talked quietly for a bit as the train came to the next stop. The girl walked past to the front of the car and went out the door.

I turned to see the boy still sitting in his window seat peering to the front of the car as a middle-aged woman behind me advised him, "She's not gonna have time to buy a ticket and get back on the train." Only then did I really put all the pieces together and I became instantly more intrigued by this couple.

Thinking to myself 'That was awfully naive of them, they must be younger or dumber than I originally thought', the boy replied to the woman, "Oh I know, she's just gonna catch the next train and catch up to me." Younger than I thought, maybe not, dumber than I thought, definitely.

Now I'm fully invested, who were these people? What was their relation? Where were they going? What possible situation made it okay for the guy to leave this girl behind in downtown Baltimore?

The fact that they were both wearing matching blue T-shirts with only the Chevy logo on them now becomes much more important in my thought process. Were they on their way to some kind of volunteer work and were late? Regardless the boy should have gotten off and let the girl go ahead. While my mind is racing for a reasonable explanation the train comes to a stop, I had to get off. When I stood to leave, SO DID THE BOY! The girl got off at the previous stop literally 2 blocks away, where for some reason she was in line to buy a ticket. Why on earth didn't they just both get off and walk. I can not think of an acceptable reason for the young man to ditch his female companion. The best case for him is he was trying to get dumped for some reason. But if that was the case, how was he convinced to where the exact same shirt as her? And she must be pretty firmly under his thumb if she accepted being the one to get off the train so quickly, so I'm not sure he was looking for an exit strategy.

Whatever the explanation was, I will sadly never know, but people will never cease to amaze me.

Fortune of No?: Part III

Haven't written anything in a while, so here's an easy one to get back in the swing.

"You love the spotlight - Become an Entertainer"
Not a Fortune: A terrible trend in fortune cookie writing. I will predict something about you - then tell you what you should do because of it.


"The respect of influential people will soon be yours"
Fortune: And a pretty decent one at that. Although I guess respect doesn't really mean wealth or success.


"You know what you want - go for it"
Not a Fortune: You are getting very lazy 'fortune' writers - try writing a fortune including the phrase 'you will'


Running Tally - 5-2-5 (Fortune-Gray Area-Not a Fortune)

Fantasy Team

I'm naming my Fantasy football team "Ray Bear and the Laser Ravens" and I'm not sure which of these pictures to use. Also I need them on the interweb so ESPN can link to them.

Attributes in which I am better than Ghandi

Hair Growth

Eyesight

Appetite

Things I have learned while watching the Lakers-Suns Playoff game

1- The cast of TNTs Southland is not famous enough to ignore that the camera is on them and not wave into it.

2- Lebron James has played in exactly 71 Playoff Games, Kobe Bryant has scored 30 or more points in exactly 71 Playoff games.

3- Kentucky Freshman All-American John Wall enjoys watching an NBA conference semifinal game courtside to wind down after a tough week of exams. If you think the NCAA one and done rule has anything to do with student athletes you are a boob.

4- If Kobe Bryant has a chance to push you and not get called for a foul, he will push you, then probably push you again

Everything Butt Hockey

The NHL Playoffs are in full swing, and they are in a word AMAZING. The NHL definitely takes a larger step up than any other league when they venture from the regular season into the playoffs. They're playing for the Stanley Cup, possibly the greatest trophy in sports the World Cup is the only contender in my eyes. Not to mention the beards, what a marvelous tradition that is. I could watch just about any 3rd period that's within a goal or two in its entirety, and yell at the TV while doing it. I can not give playoff hockey the endorsement it deserves.


That being said, lets see if I can ruin it. You know where this is going, we're playin' it out NHL style to see which teams mascot is the funniest when you throw the word Butt in front of it.


Whoa, timeout, Versus has intentionally scheduled the final half hour of the red wings sharks game to immediately follow the pens habs game. Pens-habs was 1-0 going into the last minute and Wings-sharks is 3-2 with 10 to go. What a great plan. Anywho...


First lets take a look at the Atlantic Division. Devils, Penguins, Flyers, Rangers and Islanders. Take a moment to say them to yourself (with Butt in front). This division has some depth but no great teams, Butt Rangers walks away with the division, some of the others have a shot at making the wild card in the east.


Northeast Division : Sabres, Senators, Bruins, Canadiens and Maple Leafs
Not a particularly strong group here, your Butt Sabres take the division, but there isn't much hope for the others.


Southeast Division: Capitals, Thrashers, Hurricanes, Lightning, and Panthers
Wow, Butt Capitals is the only team here that isn't good at all. The Butt Thrashers are the early favorite for the cup. We'll give the wild cards to the Hurricanes, Flyers, Panthers, Lightning and Penguins.


In the Western Conference, Central Division: Blackhawks, Red Wings, Predators, Blues, and Blue Jackets
If you tell me you said Butt Predators to yourself and didn't chuckle a little, well maybe there isn't anything wrong with you, but you could be having a little more fun with life.


Northwest Division: Canucks, Avalanche, Flames, Wild and Oilers
Yet another stacked division, turns out hockey wont let you down even if the playoffs have the word butt thrown in there. Oilers top the standings here.


Lastly, the Pacific Division: Sharks, Coyotes, Kings, Ducks and Stars
Not a particularly strong division, I see the Sharks taking this one, with the wild cards shaking out like this, Avalanche, Ducks, Kings, Wild, and Flames.

The outcome of the ensuing playoff bracket is shown below, and lets be honest who didn't see a Thrashers-Predators Final.

If you think different let me know, I'd love to hear someone else's input on the matter.

Random Thoughts: Tracy Morgan, Sliced Bread, and Playoff Hockey

First, now lets all be as mature as possible when I say, Tracy Morgan is either constantly drunk or mildly retarded. I mean this with no disrespect, and its not that there is anything wrong with that, well if he is constantly drunk that could be an issue, but I digress. If you have ever seen the interview he gave on some morning show in which he said something to the effect of watch out while I'm in town, somebody's gonna get pregnant, all while lifting his shirt and slapping his belly, you know where I am coming from.
Well anyway, he threw out the first pitch and was interviewed at the Oriole game tonight. He described his pitch as "A hanging fastball, or maybe it was the slider" then went on to say "I learned that when I was playing pro ball. I was with the Padres with Jose Uribe". Jim Palmer chimes in with "It's Juan Uribe" *Co*Dick*ugh*
Morgan came back with something like "when you play with him you can call him Jose". All and all it was an odd interview Palmer and Gary Thorne treated him like he was a 12 year old.

Second, why do people always say "The greatest thing since sliced bread"? It hit me today, sliced bread is just about the worst thing to make a sandwich with. Think about all the things you would rather have a sandwich on than bread. Potato roll, kaiser roll, pretzel, croissant, glazed donut, KFC is using fried chicken for bread! Greatest thing since sliced bread? Using something other than sliced bread to make a sandwich.

Lastly, playoff hockey is gripping. I can probably count the number of regular season hockey games I watch more than 90 seconds of each season on one hand. But when the playoffs roll around, something happens and the games just become riveting. The sense of urgency hits another level. Saw the Caps lose game 7 earlier tonight (I dislike the Caps) and the last 3 minutes of that game were amazing. Caps on the power play with the Goalie pulled for the final two minutes! Are you kidding me! Every shot the Canadiens took on the empty net either went wide by a few feet (these shots were saucers from the other side of the ice) and the one on net was saved by a diving Capitals player. If you have a bone in your body that thinks 'hockey might be okay I guess', watch some playoff games and you wont be sorry.
And as the greatest innovator of our time Red Green always says, keep your stick on the ice.

Oh and here is a link to that Tracy Morgan Interview here